i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I AM VODKA MAN
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Bring me that man meat
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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