I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
