I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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