went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
