Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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