i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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