i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Soap is not a condiment
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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