hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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