So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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