The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
