i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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