ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
