See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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