i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
