you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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