Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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