All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
