your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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