their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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