My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
