I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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