i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
