how can u be prego again
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't deserve a penis
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
