She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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