now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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