everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
