Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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