who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
