Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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