i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Randomize
