Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
