Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
