AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
