I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
