you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
