saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
