she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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