Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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