You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
