shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
