when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
