I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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