And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
