She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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