My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
