conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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