I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
