PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
my shit smells like andre
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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