Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
