whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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