WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
